I never truly wrote anything based on my own experiences. Mostly because I write to escape. At least with novels. I have plenty of poems that are from experiences. That isn’t to say I don’t ever pull from real life, I do, just not very much and I’ve never based a character on somebody I know.
This year I realized that there is a novel I need to write. It’s been in the back of my mind for years, but I only just decided to examine it. It scares the living hell out of me to even start planning it, but I know I need to write it. I need to write a novel in which I pull a lot from my experiences. There is so much in my life that I never confronted. That I said was fine even when it was killing me and I numbed it all. Writing this novel will make me cry, but it will let me say the things I’m too scared to say.
I’ll be able to apologise to the one person whom I don’t think I can adequately apologise to, but who needs one from me. I’ll be able to express my pain and the hurt that people have caused me, without sounding like I’m blaming them (because I’m not) or that I was holding onto them like a grudge (because I wasn’t, I just never processed them like I should’ve). I’ll finally work through my emotions and let myself actually feel the pain and hurt by writing this novel.
It just scares me so much to do and I’ve only been able to look at it for brief moments at a time. Not to mention, I don’t think I’ll ever be brave enough to publish it under my own name. I don’t think I’ll ever be brave enough to share it with anyone from my life. There’s only one person I might share it with, but I doubt she’d care. Not to mention, she owes me nothing and I owe her so much.
Have you written what you know? Or written the thing that scares you most? Or are you like me and the fear is a bit much so you haven’t yet? Do you have any advice for writing what scares you?