As a bi woman who hasn’t had much experience dating anyone other than cis males, I felt I had to cling to my identity and fight to make sure everyone knew that about me. Especially now that I am married to a man, it feels like it’s easy for people to dismiss my sexuality. (My dating history in brief: dated 3 cis guys in high school- none of those lasted more than 4 months, and one cis girl for like a month, then I met my now-husband in college and we’ve been together 5 1/2 years)
I am thankful I have a husband who understands that my sexuality is a big part of my life and identity. It’s something I’m proud of and very defensive of, and he never takes it as me wanting to be with others or to date other genders. He has never been concerned with bisexual stereotypes with me and it’s super refreshing. He knows I’m completely committed to him and that I need to express this part of my identity.
That’s where my writing comes in, every single one of WIPs feature queer characters, typically bi women, but not always, and always a sapphic romance. It feels like the place where I can explore my sexuality and express it healthily. It’s just a nice place to further express my queerness without having to constantly remind people about it. Sometimes I feel I have to always tell people about my sexuality because they always assume I’m straight or forget because of my monogamous relationship with a cis-male. Writing queer novels is my way of reminding everyone without outright reminding them.
My bisexuality has always been a big part of my life and I’ve known about it since I was about 11-12. I was privileged in how early I came to terms with it and how fiercely I defended this part of me. I basically was out the moment I knew it was the label I identified with and anyone who dared to say it wasn’t real was cut from my life. Still, it felt lacking, like I wasn’t “queer enough” and it didn’t help that the only rep for bisexual characters I found growing up were awful stereotypes or ended up actually being gay or straight (while that is a legitimate experience for many people exploring their sexuality, especially with compulsory heterosexuality, it’s discouraging for bi people to only see that in media).
So, in writing the novels I write, I’ve also been actively finding novels with positive f/f rep, especially with bi rep. I want to contribute to younger generations finding themselves represented in novels in a positive way and I hope that reading my work will help others to express their own queerness the same way writing it helps me.